I often think how there are times that I can be so passionate about life and at times I feel so indifferent.
The passionate side does her best to be the best wife, mom, sister, daughter and friend.
I love being a part of fulfilling the needs of children around the world (Compassion International.) To think outside the little world I live in. My passionate side wants to live off of rice and beans and own only five outfits so that I can give more.
When I run into a mom that talks about the last few months being rough b/c of the new baby, I feel her pain. The passionate side senses an obligation to that person to check on her, pray for her, and encourager her. It is a privilege to have the people that I have in my life, that they may bless me and I them.
The passionate side of me feels when I hear of all the dark things in the world.
The passionate side of me wants to spends hours kneeling and praying to the one who gives us life and breath. And I raise my hands to Him and say 'Use me for YOUR glory'
The times I feel indifferent are usually b/c the passionate side is exhausted - and wanting to be selfish. Or is it selfish?
I want to block out the feelings that come when I think of all that is going on in the world. To be indifferent, I don't even get cynical towards others who choose not to do anything for the needs of the world.
Sometimes I can't find any energy to care for those around me. I just want to take care of what I have to care for.
Being indifferent, gets me thinking of how fun it would be to shop and not even think of the word 'sale' or 'budget'.
The feeling of indifference is sord of numbing. There are times I feel so exhausted that I can barely find energy to care for myself.
It is certainly not that I feel diconnected to God when I feel indifferent, please don't get me wrong. Lets see...We all make choices - all the time - through out our day - choices for the present and for the future. Depending on the choices we make can determine how much joy and fulfillment we will recieve, right?
I find that I resort to indifference when I need rest. But I am a passionate person, it is how God made me, it is how he made US! I can only be indifferent for so long. It has dawned on me that I recieve the most joy and see God working the most when I choose the passionate side of me to come out. To be indifferent is sort of a safe bet. I rather gamble:)
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3 comments:
Oh Allison! I LOVE this post! You are a kindred spirt, girl! I wish we could sit down over a pot of tea sometime and get to know each other. We are so close yet so far from each other. Do you ever go to K'ville rather than A'ville for your shopping, etc? K is my first choice, but I do go occasionally the other direction.
This was amazingly deep. It made me think of too many folks I know (including me) who struggle with some of what you asked here. Thanks for the perspective.
This is really beautiful Allison. I agree. I was nodding my head and loving every word.
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