One year ago....(my cancer story)

One year ago today I got the call that I have Invasive Ductal Carcinoma.

It was never a matter of IF, it was always a matter of WHEN. 

When was cancer going to invade my life and how?  My maternal grandmother died at age 52 of cancer, and my mom died at age 50 of cancer.  I've lived my whole adult life preparing for this.  In spite of my efforts, exercising and keeping my weight down, it still came.

My initial thought was, "What are we going to do about our foster children?! I can't take care of them and myself." Yep! the foster story is one in itself for another time. Thoughts that followed were:  How is this going to affect the boys? Do I want to take chemo?  How am I going to fight this? Do I want reconstruction?  Is this going to be a financial burden? I felt very little shock or surprise.  If anything, I was just surprised it came in my early 40's. I anticipated it arriving in my late 40's because of the age my mom and grandmother died.

I was diagnosed on a Wednesday and the Nelson's left town for two weeks on the following Monday (a trip we'd planned 6 months prior). We left kicking and screaming, but gosh darn it we left!! The foster baby had just had a liver transplant only days before, the a/c in our house was out and the dog was sick. Because we have AMAZING friends, we were able to leave. The beauty of community and God's sovereignty, His grace and timing....I was able to collect my thoughts, be intentional about who I spoke with regarding the journey that was ahead of us, put together questions for the surgical oncologist, and pray for a wonderful home for the foster children.

We get home and the following day we meet the surgical oncologist. The genetic testing came back positive. Duh....I'm really grateful for the way medicine has advanced over the years.  Because of my genetic results, we decided to not only remove the cancer but include prophylactic surgery as well. The game plan was a double mastectomy/reconstruction, chemo + immuno therapy, and a hysterectomy over the course of a year. We learned what BRCA 2 meant, that I was Her 2 positive, and the cancer was estrogen fed. I put my boxing gloves on and prepared to get in the ring!

We were able to move the foster children to a wonderful home (crazy awesome), I've had three surgeries, a friend with me at every one of my chemo treatments, Meal Trains, I never had my hair fall out, experienced Race for the Cure with family and friends, holding the American flag with other survivors at one of the best Saints games ever, and a trip to Minneapolis to watch the Super Bowl - phew! - It has been an eventful year, to say the least!

"...let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith..." Hebrews 10:19-22
I've walked this journey drawing near to my God and Savior. I've embraced what is and have been at peace with the game plan. And I am more hopeful of my future then I ever have been!


I'm so grateful to Ochsner and the medical team that has loved and cared for me so well (and continues too). I am also grateful for my community that has held me up in so many ways.  And I'm grateful for my family who has been steady and faithful, right by my side.

 positive results after surgery!

 Katherine is one of many friends who were by my side during chemo treatments.

 Cat joined me for the Saints game!

 Mrs.Pat is one of many women I look to for inspiration.  She is a 20+ year survivor!

 What?!  You're sending us to the Super Bowl?! All expenses paid?!

Baby, its cold outside.

Laughter and Love

My youngest son adds much laughter to my life and he melts my heart with kindness as well.  You will see what I mean.  In his 2nd grade year for Mother's Day, he wrote this (Enjoy!)....

"My mom's tears of joy make me smile very brightly.  This berded guy tried to calm mom down.  She was smiling so hard that it almost made me blind.
I'm crying  realy loud for no reason.  I should be happy actully that I'm alive.  I hear these weird strangers saying awww.  I think that it's freaky.  Then after they say awwww, they start saying I'm CUTE!!  Firt of all, why do people think I'm cute when I have a stincky diaper?  Second of all, where to people get these words?!!
My mom's arms feel so good.  They're warm and soft.  They make me feel like I'm in heaven.
This white stuff looked weird.  Then mom was giving me it.  It was realy good.  This guy was  giving me green stuff but, It was horible.
I smell this thing thats disgusting.  Then, I knew that it was me!!  My stinky diaper.  I didn't care because my mom had a great smell.  I love being a BABY!!"

Rummaging

As I rummage through all my parents pictures, in hopes of consolidating, I'm enjoying revisiting my childhood memories.  I'm especially enjoying looking at my parents personal photos of their life before every having me and my brother.
When rummaging, I also came across about 6 index cards with writings from my dad, he tells a story about becoming a single parent.  I don't know why my dad wrote this, but I'm thankful I have this story articulated in his own little way.
What you'll see is regret, intentions, sweet times and hard times.  You'll also see death and a love for Jesus no matter the circumstances!
I love these two people.  I look forward to seeing them again, one day.

Being a Single Parent
"I became a single parent at 1:45 am on January 28, 1995 after being married for almost 26 years.  They were good years for my wife Betsy and I.  The Lord blessed us with 2 children, Ian and Allison, who will be 23 and 21 years old this year.
Betsy had been ill for 6 months before they diagnosed her with ovarian cancer.  They told us on January 2, 1994 and I will never forget Betsy's testimony to the doctor in telling him about her Jesus and how she was ready to die if that was His will for her.
From the day Betsy had her first surgery on January 22, 1994 till she died on that early morning in January 1995 there were dramatic changes in the life of our family.  I learned quickly that I had to play a much bigger role than I had been used too.  I also learned to be more attentive to Betsy's needs and to show more love than I had been used to giving.  I had taken my wife for granted for too long.
I had loved Betsy from just after we met in 1968 on a blind date, but now I realized  that I could possibly lose her in death.  I tried hard to make up for the years when I didn't convey to her my real feelings.
She noticed the extra attention she was receiving and used to comment on it.

Betsy went through chemotherapy for 8 months in 1994 and when the chemotherapy was finished she was worse off.  It was decided that there would be more surgery in October 1994.
The year 1994 had its good times.  Betsy and Allison used to talk a lot that summer and it was great to have the together.  In October, Betsy and I took a trip to Atlanta to the Stone Mnt. Highland Games.  We picked up Allison and Alf  and all went together.  We returned the kids to school in Birmingham, AL and Betsy and I headed for Mobile, AL and spent most of a day at Bellingrath Gardens, somewhere she always wanted us to go since we were married.

On October 24, 1994, the second surgery took place and she was so weak after surgery she never again ate solid food.  She could drink a broth and even a yogurt but that only lasted for awhile and then she stopped eating altogether.  Eventually they had to resort to feeding her intravenously   Betsy went through a very rough time which seemed to get worse every couple of weeks and January was very difficult even for those of us who watch her and help her until the Lord relieved her pain and gave her the peace that passes all understanding.
I will always remember the funeral service and the gospel message given before many unbelievers.  I have had many comments about the service and we will never know this side of heaven what affect it may have been on other lives."

Food! Glorious Food!

A few new items in the pantry.....

coconut oil is a healthier oil to cook with.  It is also amazing how versatile it is.  Not only for cooking, but also used as a beauty product.....I found out about Hominy 'on accident', and can't believe I've lived so long without it!  It's a great addition, especially on 'Taco nights'..... Quinoa cooks like rice.  If you google it, you'll find a plethora of wonderful quinoa recipes.  So healthy for you and contribute to some delicious foods.....Lastly, kale.  Put it in smoothies, shred it in salads, cook it in your meals, etc.  Just use it!

My First Book Club!

I've wanted to experience a book club for a long time.  With a little more confidence and little less thinking, I finally stuck my neck out to see if a select group of friends would like to join me in a book club.  Delightfully, friends were up for it and so it was going to be.
Enjoying NPR on rides to and from my children schools, I learned of a book called, The Twelve Tribes of Hattie.  It is the author, Ayana Mathis', first novel and it got Oprah's attention.
Intentionally and proactively, I seek racial diversity, and with that comes a desire to understand the differences from one person to another.  I thought this would be a good book in understanding the african/american culture, particularly historically, and the effects it plays today.  When listening to NPR introduce the book, they discussed how in the 40's, people living in Georgia looked at Philadelphia as the land of milk and honey, the interview got MY attention.
I began to read the book over the holiday.  After the first three chapters I thought, 'Oh no!  What have I gotten myself AND others into?'  After the fourth chapter, I got sucked in.  When I got to the last three chapters, I made myself just get it over with.  I've never wanted to finish a book so bad.  It was very well written, BUT it was incredibly sad and it opened my eyes to a world that I had very little knowledge of.  In spite of the sadness, I was pretty confident that with this kind of book, a number of great conversations could come out of it.
For various reasons, the attendance of friends in the group went from seven to four.  (this was an exercise for me to let go of control, and to trust that it can be a good time even if it turned out to be only two of us!)
The hostess served mimosas, someone brought a quiche, I brought strawberries, and another brought donuts - off to a great start:)
How do I sum up the discussion?!
Let me first say that the discussion was enriching and I am a better person for it.  Listening to everyone share bits and pieces of the "baggage" they carry because of the family they grew up in, or hearing a dear friend share with me the reality of how black woman are still oppressed, and all of us discussing/wrestling with what compassion really looks like - I looked at it as a beautiful thing and was privileged to call these ladies, my friends.
Here are three things I wanted to target and what I went away with:
1.  Womanhood - we, as women, do not give ourselves  enough grace.  We cant always make decisions in the present based on mistakes we made in the past.  We have to look forward, not live in fear, and (most importantly) give grace.
2.  Community - Embrace it, enjoy it, and more then anything, seek to understand it.  Understand that the mom who is cursing at her kids (just maybe) had to take two buses to get where she was, her husband (just maybe) did not come home last night, and maybe this may be a generational thing where she has not had opportunity to see life to be any different.
3.  God - It is so important how we view God and the world we live in.  We live in a broken world, but have a God that truly offers hope.  But do we believe that?  Do we live that out?

All the Better for It!

"Too often the weakest thing about our faith is the illusion that our faith is strong, when the 'strength' we feel is only the intensity of emotion or of sentiment, which have nothing to do with real faith...Place no hope in...the inspirational preachers of Christian sunshine, who are able to pick you up and set you back on your feet and make you feel good for three or four days...Faith is much deeper, and it must be deep enough to subsist when we are weak, when we are sick, when our self-confidence is gone, when our self-respect is gone...True faith must be able to go on even when everything else is taken away from us." -Thomas Merton

This quote captures a great portion of my life in 2012.  Emotion, Faith, Hope, Weakness.  Here are some thoughts and reflections...

Emotion - I've taken a gazillion personality tests....o.k., gazillion might be a slight exaggeration, but I have had my fair share.  In most personality tests, they determine whether you are a thinker or feeler.  I don't only lean toward being a feeler, I'm like, 99.9% feeler!  I continually am challenged to embrace the way God has created me, but this year especially, how I am to thrive in the person I'm created to be versus survive.  You see, in the past, at times, when something would bring me to a place of sadness or anger I would then be annoyed at myself for feeling the way I did.  "How stupid I am!?  What is wrong with me?  I'm such an emotional basket case!  I'm a wimp!  Why is it so hard for me?  Get a grip!"  My feelings would then escalate and it would turn from bad to worse.  Now, I am thankful to be in a place where I see the value in respecting the feelings I have, giving time to them.  It has required me to be completely honest with myself in figuring out why I feel the way I do, to get to the real heart of the emotion.  In turn, I've had to battle some serious pride and a few other things {nervous chuckle}.  Embracing the process and the learning that comes with it is also something worth valuing.  We live in a society of instant gratification which is harming us on so many levels, and one of those levels is our emotional health.....AND remember, 'emotions are indicators, not dictators'.

Faith - I just recently finished the novel, The Twelve Tribes of Hattie.  At the end of the book it says, "Hattie believed in God's might, but she didn't believe in his interventions."  Boy, could I resonate with that statement a year ago!  Although, I would have said, "...interventions, or the lack there of."  And I certainly acknowledged His might, I was just scared to death of it and what else he had 'up his sleeve.'  My faith was SHAKEN!  My emotions were wild and raw!   I was mad, sad, broken, and a wave of hopelessness brought me the lowest I've ever been.  In perfect timing, in the mail, we received a publication from DTS titled, Drawing Near When God Seems Far.  It was no accident that it showed up at our door when it did!  In it were great articles, but even more, it mentioned some really great resources.  I immediately went into 'fighting' mode, my emotions were NOT going to get the best of me!  I took a drive to the book store, got some books, and retreated from life.  Sometimes you have to retreat....for an afternoon, a month, or maybe a whole season.  Christ retreated, so I figured this could be a good thing:)  It was a big step for me to retreat, but I was that desperate.  From the resources suggested, one book that especially spoke to me was, A Long Obedience in the Same Direction by E. Peterson.  THIS is where I began to see faith for what God intended it to be, and not basing my faith on how I *feel* at the time.
In the book, E.Peterson says, "'Fear' God.  Reverence might be a better word.  Awe.  The Bible isn't interested in whether we believe in God or not.  It assumes that everyone more or less does.  What it is interested in is the response we have to Him:  Will we let God be as He is, majestic and holy, vast and wondrous  or will we always be trying to whittle him down to the size of our small minds, insist on confining Him within the boundaries we are comfortable with, refuse to think of Him other then in images that are convenient to our lifestyle?"
I certainly felt out of control, but in that, acknowledged God's control.  Prov 29:25 "The fear of man brings a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe."  I'm not gonna lie,  it takes endurance to build back trust, trust in a God that says He is good and perfect but all around you feels hopeless.   If we really are to let God be as He is, it takes humility....faith in Him, and what He can do around us and through us.

Hope - In hope, there is waiting.  Romans 8:24-25 says, "But hope that is seen is no hope at all.  Who hopes for what he already has?  But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."  In hope, there is the unknown.  I would read the Bible, and hold on to the promises....with gritted teeth and tight fist!  I wanted to hope with a sense of confidence, peace and joy.  I think real hope came for me in the stories of the Old Testament.  There was a time early in the year when my oldest son was sharing with me what he was learning about the Daniel story in church.  After we conversed about it, I pondered the story some more and it came to life.  "Yes, Daniel was rejected by man and God preserved him - AND the King finally fell to his knees in awe of God!"  There was Joseph and Jonah, Job and David, Rahab and Ruth.  Of course, we see the end to their stories.  In the midst of their stories is grief, confusion, frustration, doubt, and much more.  It took endurance, devotion, discipline...and hope in the journey for them.  The Old Testament is NOT boring:)  The stories came ALIVE this year like never before.  Just like faith, understanding hope for what it truly is, is essential to emotional health.
"Hope...going about our assigned tasks, confident that God will provide the meaning and the conclusions....it is the opposite of desperate and panicky manipulations, of scurrying and worrying" - Long Obedience in the Same Direction

Weakness - "There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven."  Ecc 31  There are times when we feel strong and there are times when we feel weak.  It's alright to feel weak at times, what matters is what we do with it.  I don't want to live hopeless, angry and anxious.  I don't want my identity to lie in worry all the time.  What good is that to myself or anyone else?!..... I love to be at a place now where I can reflect and see beauty in weakness.  My desire is to give God glory and to live out the life He has in store for me.  With that said, in my times of weakness I have experienced what scripture says, and that is that "He quiets us with His love" (Zeph).  Also, in some of my greatest times of weakness I have experienced growth/sanctification/transformation/renewal in my life.  I'm so thankful for it....now:). (2 Cor 12)

A year of emotion, faith, hope, and weakness, and all the better for it!

 (Shout out!! - to a handful of friends that lent an ear, to my Dr. that HIGHLY recommended some medication to get over the hump:), and my 'rock'-a.k.a. my husband).

Apple Pie!

This Thanksgiving morning (2012), I am thankful for my apple peeler-corer-slicer.
I'm also thankful for a bowl that once took residence in my mom's kitchen, and how it brings out a joy in me to have had sweet parents for a little while on this earth.
How can I not mention the cute "helper"?!  Both of my boys (children in general, for that matter) are SUCH a blessing and bring such a richness to life.
I'm thankful for apple pie.  Its fun to make, and it makes my husband happy:)
Lastly (but certainly not least),
I'm thankful for the Giver of Life and of ALL things. (Rom 11: 33-36)
that He places angels to encamp around those who fear Him (Ps 34:7)
I'm thankful that He takes delight in me, and quiets me with His love (Zeph 3:17)
that He holds me with His right hand,
guides me with His counsel,
and that He is the strength of my heart (Ps 73)
I'm thankful that nothing can separate me from His love (Rom 8: 35-39)

If you don't know the Lord as your personal Saviour, or struggle to see that that something that is so much greater then ourselves is a God of Love that wants to richly bless you with a peace that passes all understanding, I hope and pray that one day you will.

Much love and blessing to all -

Compline

A prayer that I have referred to many times this year:

Search me, O God, and know my heart:  test me and know my thoughts.  See if there is any wicked way in me:  and lead me in your way of life.

Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning, is now, and will be forever, Amen.

Holy, holy, holy, Lord,
God of power and might,
heaven and earth are full of your glory,
Hosanna in the highest,
Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.
Hosanna in the highest.

I will lie down and sleep in peace; for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.

(Psalm134)
Behold now, bless the Lord, all you servants of the Lord:  you that stand by night in the house of the Lord.  Lift up your hands in the holy place and bless the Lord:  the Lord who made heaven and earth bless you out of Zion.

I will lie down and sleep in peace; for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.

This is what we are about:  we plant the seeds that will one day grow.  We water seeds already planted, knowing that they hold promise.  We lay foundations that will need further development.  We provide yeast that produces effects far beyond our capabilities.

We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that.   This enables us to do something, and to do it well.  It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way, an opportunity for the Lord's grace to enter and do the rest.

We may never see results, but that is the difference between the master builder and the worker.  We are workers, not master builders; ministers, not messiahs.  We are prophets of a future not our own.

I will lie down and sleep in peace; for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.

Into your hands, O Lord, I commend my spirit.  For you have redeemed me, O Lord, O God of truth.  Keep me, O Lord, as the apple of your eye; hide me under the shadow of your wings.

Keep watch, dear Lord, with those who work or watch or weep this night, and give your angels charge over those who sleep.  Tend the sick, Lord Christ, give rest to the weary, bless the dying, soothe the suffering, pity the afflicted, shield the joyous, and all for your love's sake, Amen.

Hurricane Isaac

Having moved back to the city of New Orleans three years ago, I have just experienced our first evacuation.  Being the first of three years, Im grateful.  Well, this is my strory....

Watching Isaac in the Gulf on Sunday, Aug 26th, realizing there was a high probability that it could hit New Orleans, my honey got to work.  He filled both the cars with gas, checked the tires, put all of the yard paraphernalia in the garage, etc.etc.etc.  Meanwhile, I on the other hand took the kids down the street and my neighbor and I watched the kids swim on that lovely sunny Sunday afternoon.  As I sat in my neighbors back yard, we both were getting emails (via phone) and texts announcing that the kids would be out of school till Thurs due to Hurricane Isaac.  'Really??' is what came to my mind.  The news was saying that it would probably hit NO sometime Tues., so we needed Mon. to get out of the city and Wed. to get back in - HA!  yea, right!

Early Monday, my honey was strongly encouraging me to take the kids and head to Baton Rouge that morning (not to friends in Birmingham, b/c why drive 6 hours when by the time you get there you'll be turning around to come back).  I made a deal with him, 'If I can take a bike ride this morning, Ill then pack and head to Baton Rouge'.  He rolled his eyes and agreed.  While on my bike ride, I could not get over the weather, it was probably the most beautiful August day New Orleans has ever had.  On my ride, it was far from feeling like a ghost town.  I mean, it was quieter then normal because no schools were in session but people were out for walks with spouses and dogs.  You could gather that quite a few people were even having a normal work day. On the other hand, I knew a number of families getting ready to leave town thinking, 'better safe then sorry'.  I took that time, on my bike ride, to mentally prepare for what I knew I needed to do even though I really did not want to do it without my honey.  (after 16 years of marriage, you know your spouse, and I knew better then to fight him on this)  He wanted to be available for those that were going to stay, be able to help with a fallen tree if necessary, and keep check on the houses of those that would be gone.

The boys and I took off to Baton Rouge and were warmly greeted by friends that we have known for a long time.  Little did any of us know, the Tropical Storm that turned into a catagory 1 Hurricane was going to be a VERY slow moving Hurricane!!!  Slow moving hurricanes, even if it is just a category 1, can grind away at the land it approaches.  It is Friday now, and I am still in Baton Rouge, thinking I might wait one more day till I head back.  There are people without power for miles and miles, the grocery stores and gas stations are outrageous.  High demand of everything and little supply of anything. (a good crowd stayed thinking that it was not going to be all that bad)  Its taking people an hour to wait in line to get gas, hoping that in that hour the pump does not run out.  The bad news this morning for my honey was that the generator that was keeping the fridge and a fan going ran out of gas.  The good news this morning was that my honey was able to get to a open restaurant for a nice hearty breakfast this morning, and even better, he got there right when it opened so he did not have to wait in line!

In Baton Rouge, I'm doing all I can from going stir crazy!  Don't take me wrong, we are so grateful for the love our friends have shown, it is a true delight to be in their company.  And being a home of four boys, my children have NOT experienced boredom AT ALL!  It has taken a lot of mental strength though, for me, to get through this week.  Some highlights: baking a new recipe - Coffee/Date Bread, was able to fit a couple of good walks in before and after the rain and wind here, organized a closet and washed down kitchen cabinets (earning my keep:), reading a great book (Blue Parakeet), picked up debris in my friends yard and their neighbors yard, meeting 89 yr old Ms Jewel, and playing some games with the kids (golf card game and scrabble).  Oh, I cant go without mentioning the beautiful size of the home that allows plenty of private space for all AND the fact that we never lost power (unlike some here in Baton Rouge).  Quite spoiled we are!.....my honey might feel 'spoiled' today having an opportunity to actually use the chainsaw!  :):):)

Thanks to all that keep us southern people in your thoughts and prayers!  Thankful for the way God has preserved the situation and hopeful for 'normalcy' soon.....the feeling of 'normalcy' is far too taken for granted!

The Nelson Boy's Summer Highlights

Athan, Kaleigh, and Aiden

What a beautiful way to start the summer!!!  We began our first official week of the summer with a visit from dear Tennessee friends, the Grants.  They brought several other families with them and we felt loved by them as a family, a church, and a community.  They were genuine, fun, and productive.  Painting classrooms, mulching, removing staples:), dancing at Mulate's.....good times!

Cheers!

The summer continued by having fun play dates with friends.  So thankful for friends (old and new) this summer that we could spend time with where the #1 priority was RELAXATION!  

 

Gulf Shores was most certainly a highlight.  Beach, pool, nightly crab hunting, monopoly everyday (obnoxious), water park (earning man cards!), para sailing, and (for me, since this is my blog:) God time on the porch every morning with a beach front view-oh yea!  It was awesome QUALITY family time!  And memories made that will live on!

Nelson and Daspit boys

It was such a joy for me to hear the boys sing their hearts out at VBS.  God used them to speak to me on how REMARKABLE He is and that nothing is to difficult for Him!  Its always nice to be reminded of that.  Its also nice to watch the kids genuinely enjoy the week.  Raising "preacher kids", you pray that they will Have a faith in God, and pray that its genuine, that they own it and that its not been forced on them.

No pics of the Baton Rouge trip but I must mention it because it is definitely Athan's favorite part of the summer.  Athan taking a road trip mid-week to go to an Astro's game in Houston, eating lots of junk food, Aiden swimming every day and watching all three Ice Age movies....'Foster camp' rocks!.....even mom and dad think it rocks, we enjoyed 'mom and dad all alone camp' :)

Thank you Foster Family!

Now we are trying to face the reality that we HAVE to go back to school (sigh).  I guess its true, we have to work hard to play hard.  Work, here we come!

How's Life Treating You?

Have you ever been in a place in life where you just don't think that God knows what He is doing and so you take it upon yourself to take care of things?  Or you might know someone that is trying to control their own path, doubting that God is as good as He says He is?  Abram and Sarai (in the book of Genesis) at times really trusted God, but then they got to a place where they felt like time was running out.  They doubted God.  (gasp) They disobeyed.  You know the story?  Sarai tells her servant, Hagar, to make love with Abram so that they could have a child.  God had promised them a child but it just was not happening in the time they wanted it to happen.  This is where it gets beautiful:  God was STILL gracious to Sarah and Abraham.  She did become pregnant and birth the baby that God had promised, Isaac.  God STILL loved Abraham and Sarah.  He STILL used them for His glory in spite of themselves and their sin. 

Are you carrying a weight of guilt around?  Or maybe someone you know is living with guilt because of something they did or something they simply think about?  Surely God is disappointed in me, and why would He want to have anything to do with me!?  Think about Peter in the gospels of the New Testament.  He was Christ's disciple for three years and truly loved Him.  He served with Christ, ate with Christ, witnessed miracles that Christ performed.....after all that, he denied knowing Christ THREE times in one night, and of all nights, the night Christ died.  What kind of guilt did Peter feel that night?  (gasp) Peter disobeyed.  This is where it gets beautiful:  Christ is raised from the dead and shows up while Peter is fishing.  God STILL loved Peter.  And He STILL used Peter in spite of himself and his imperfections.

Has life been a roller coaster ride of ups and downs?  Some days you cant praise Him enough, some days you are crying out for His mercy, or some days you hold on to the truth but with white knuckles and gritted teeth?  Think about David in the Psalms.  You can just sense through the words what the emotions must have been like.  In Psalm 69 it starts off, "God, save me.  My troubles are like a flood.  I'm up to my neck in them."  Where as, in Psalm 148 it starts off, "Praise the Lord.  Praise the Lord from the heavens.  Praise him in the heavens above....Praise Him, sun and moon.  Praise Him all you shining stars."  Beauty?  In spite of  David's failings, God STILL loved him.  God STILL used David.  He preserved David and protected him.  God does not promise a perfect life here on earth, but He does promise to always be there.

Do you know someone that has rejected the one true God?  Or maybe your the one rejecting?  You question hope, faith and trust.  Their was a King that threw Daniel in a den of lions because of the God that Daniel served.  The King rejected God AND Daniel.  This is where it gets beautiful:  God STILL saved the King.  God STILL loved the King.  The King saw the miracle of God (shutting the mouths of the lions) and fell to his knees!  This all happened in spite of the King's sins and rejection.

I think of these stories this morning because there are helpful to me.  They give me hope and strength.  They give me a view of God that is mysterious, tender, and a God without limits.  They help me view ALL people with hope.  The stories help me to meet those people where they are on their journey.  It may be ugly, (gasp) there may be disobedience on the journey, it may be confusing at times and it may be a long rode.  But God is good and perfect and creative and loves ALL people and picks ALL sorts of people to bring Him glory!  

Obstacle Course Summer Fun!

Hop, Hop, Hop

Balance!

JUMP

Zig-Zag

With a little
                hopping,
                        jumping,
                                balancing,
                                      tunnel crawling,
                                                    zig-zagging,
                                                                tossing,
                           basketball shooting,
                                                     scooting,
and the big finale 
THE WATER SLIDE
you get a super fun obstacle course
thats fun to share with friends.

The End to a New Beginning

The last day of 4th grade!

Life is full of firsts and lasts.  May we walk with gratitude in all of it. 

This is my first child:)  If your a parent, you know what that means. 

I love being apart of this childs life.  He brings such beauty to my world. 

Congrats, Athan, to another year! 

Can't Live Without!

Community Coffee, New Orleans Blend with Chickory

Its the little things in life!

Tenderness

I go to "my spot" often with hope and an eagerness (ok, and a tid bit of anxiousness) to read, pray, and listen to God.  I also share the space with my hairy friend:), not that she gives me any option in the manner.  Either share or hear her scratch on the door the whole time!

So I spend time with God because I want to.  I need Him, and I want to know Him, grow close to Him, and just maybe be used by Him.  I want to sometimes be quiet before Him in hopes of hearing from Him.

May I share something I read recently from a book I am highly enjoying called, Abba's Child by B.Manning?  I want to experience the tenderness of the Father in my personal journey and have opportunity to share it with others.......

"I am reluctant to push God off His judgment seat and take my place there to pronounce on others when I have neither the knowledge nor the authority to judge anyone.  No one at this table has ever seen a motive.  Therefore, we cannot suspect what inspired the action of another.  Remember Paul's words after his discourse on homosexuality in Romans 1.  He begins chapter 2, 'So no matter who you are, if you pass judgment you have no excuse. In judging others you condemn yourself, since you behave no differently from those you judge.'  I am reminded of a statement by the Russian novelist Leo Tolstoy: 'If the sexual fantasies of the average person were exposed to view, the world would be horrified.'
"Homophobia ranks among the most shameful scandals of my lifetime.  In this closing decade of the twentieth century, it is frightening to see the intolerance, moral absolutism, and unbending dogmatism that prevail when people insist upon taking the religious high ground.  Alan Jones noted that 'it is precisely among those who take their spiritual life seriously that the greatest danger lies.'  Pious people are as easily victimized by the tyranny of homophobia as anyone else."
My identity as Abba's child is not an abstraction of a tap dance into religiosity.  It is the core truth of my existence.  Living in the wisdom of accepted tenderness profoundly affects my perception of reality, the way I respond to people and their life situations.  How I treat my brothers and sisters from day to day, whether they be Caucasian, African, Asian, or Hispanic; how I react to the sin-scarred wino on the street; how I respond to interruptions from people I dislike; how I deal with ordinary people in their ordinary unbelief on an ordinary day will speak the truth of who I am more poignantly than the pro-life sticker on the bumper of my car.
We are not for life simply b/c we are warding off death.  We are sons and daughters of the Most High and maturing in tenderness to the extent that we are for others-all others-to the extent that no human flesh is strange to us, to the extent that we can touch the hand of another in love, to the extent that for us there are no"other."
This is the unceasing struggle of a lifetime.  It is the long and painful process of becoming like Christ in the way I choose to think, speak, and live each day.........But whenever I allow anything but tenderness and compassion to dictate my response to life-be it self-righteous anger, moralizing, defensiveness, the pressing need to change others, carping criticism, frustration at others' blindness, a sense of spiritual superiority, a gnawing hunger of vindication-I am alienated from my true self.  My identity as Abba's child becomes ambiguous, tentative, and confused.
Our way of being in the world is a way of tenderness.  Everything else is illusion, misperception, falsehood. 
The compassionate life is neither a sloppy goodwill toward the world nor the plague of what Robert Wicks calls "chronic niceness."  It does not insist that a widow become friendly with her husband's murderer.  It does not demand that we like everyone.  It does not wink at sin and injustice.  It does not accept reality indiscriminately.......The way of tenderness avoids blind fanaticism.  Instead, it seeks to see with penetrating clarity.  The compassion of God in our hearts opens our eyes to the unique worth of each person.  "The other is 'ourself''; and we must love him in his sins as we were loved in our sin."

How do you view God?  How do you view sin?  How do you view yourself in this world?  Are you experiencing God's tenderness?

The Hurt and the Healer - by Mercy Me

Why, that question that is never far away
But healing doesnt come from the explained
Jesus please dont let this go in vain, your all I have

So here I am, whats left of me
Where glory meets my suffering
IM ALIVE
Even though apart of me has died
You take my heart and breath it back to life
Ive fallen to your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide

Breathe, sometimes I feel its all that I can do
Pain so deep that I can hardly move
Just keep my eyes completely fixed on you
Lord take hold and pull me through

Its the moment when humanity is overcome by Majesty
When grace is ushered in for good, when all our scars are understood
When mercy takes its rightful place and all these questions fade away
When out of the weakness we must bow and here you say, "its over now"

Jesus come and break my fear
Awake my heart and take my tears
Find the glory even here.

Sweet Moments with Aiden

Listening to Aiden giggle while running up and down the levees' with him and Annie, our dog.

Listening to him remembering a time being out at the lake with Paw-Paw.

Listening to him imagining catching a 'cruise' (ship) with his fishing pole.

Seeing him have fun inspite of not catching any fish!

Enjoying the sound of the waves, the sea gulls, and the feel of the wind with one of the cutest kids I know.

Happy 2012!

"God is looking for people through whom He can do the impossible. What a pity when we plan only the things we can do by ourselves." A.W. Tozer

This quote struck me over the holiday break and I thought it would be a good one to try and live by this year. So I have it posted on my fridge and have been 'chewing' on it a bit.
We so often, unintentionally even, put God in a box. We make desicions, or choose not to make desicions based on fear. We limit His power and might.

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more then ALL we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever"

Its not even when we ask that He so incredibly chooses to 'show up', He 'shows up' in ways that we cannot imagine!! I want to know Him and trust Him more. I want to thrive in life, not just survive in life. I want to be used by Him, not just attempt to do things in my own strength.

And the journey continues.....

Happy New Year!!!

The Big Day

Alf and I checked the weather yesterday morning and it did not look good. The hourly forecast showed 80% chance of rain at the time we would be outside for the burial.

Throughout the morning I looked outside and saw rain coming down in sheets. I stressed over what we would do, and stressed over all who were driving in from Slidell, Baton Rouge, Mandeville, Covington, etc.

The service was beautiful, and it was time to go to the burial. I climbed in the van, turned toward the back to talk to the boys and I saw behind us a beautiful rainbow in the sky. A rainbow! THEN we drive off and the skies had cleared up!! It was windy and chilly, but very few raindrops. In fact, the sun even peeked out a little while standing outside!!! We were blessed with the 20% and He even threw in a rainbow :) It was so awesome, absolutely awesome! God is awesome!

Experiencing the death of my dad has reminded me that I am NOT the writer of this script:) Sure, there are days that I wish I could write the script. And there are other days when I think, "I could not write the script any better.'

The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and He delivers them. Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him. Fear the Lord, you His saints, for those who fear Him lack nothing. -- Psalm 34:7-9

Thanks to all of you (both near and far) for your love and support at this time. Hoping it is a beautiful Christmas for everyone!

Allison

A Time to Say Goodbye

Dear family and friends,

Sunday morning, December 18th, Alf and I got a call that my dad was on the floor of a grocery store unconscious. We got to the emergency room and shortly thereafter, were told that they had tried for nearly an hour to resuscitate him, but he was dead. Having had a triple bypass only two years ago, this was not supposed to happen so soon.

He was 77, so we are grateful for the long life that he did have, but you're never ready for something like this. We are trusting in God, knowing he is good, and we are thrilled to serve a God where we can confidently say that he is in heaven....maybe even dancing with my mom :).

We would appreciate your continued prayer as we work through all the emotions that take place when something like this happens so suddenly.

We have made plans for the funeral to be on Thursday, December 22nd at Lake Lawn in Metairie (right off the interstate). Visitation will start at 10 and a service will take place at 12. If you are able to, we would enjoy having you. We desire for the time to be a celebration of his life, not simply a mourning of his death.

Thank you -

Allison Nelson